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After 12.5 years of marriage, we have learned a thing or two about marriage. And today I want to share 12 of those with you. Because God gave me a passion for biblical marriages and helping other women to work on their marriage and make it a healthy and powerful unit for and with God. So let’s dive in!
Do you prefer watching a video? Perfect, I have it available on YouTube! If you prefer reading, scroll a little further down and let’s get started!
1. Be interested in what he does
It’s important to show interest in what your husband is interested in. It does not mean you have to do and like all the things he loves. It just means that you need to take the time to listen what he tells you about his passions and dreams. Be interested and truly listen (and put that phone down).
2. Put your husband first
What often happens when kids come along, is that the husband moves down on the ‘ladder’ one spot. And kids often come before the husband. But the thing is; he is the one you need to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t push him away and focus all your attention on your kids. Spend time with your husband!
3. Learn his love language
As soon as you enter into a relationship, it is important to start learning more about that person. Whether that is your spouse or your children, it’s important to know what they enjoy, how they feel loved etc. And that is where the 5 love languages of Gary Chapman comes in. It is such a great book to help you understand how your husband feels more loved and how he expresses his love.
And there is also a version for children, so if you are a mom. I would highly recommend grabbing that version too!
4. Keep things spicy
The fun one has entered the chat. But seriously, it is important to keep things fun and spicy! Sex it a beautiful thing God created to happen within a marriage, so why not enjoy it together?! Put on some cute lingerie, wait for him when he comes home from work or do something you know he will love. Surprise him and have fun together!
5. Show him respect, especially in public
One of the worst things you can do for your marriage is start talking negatively about and to your husband. It never does any good to speak negatively, but especially talking down on your husband in public is a no-go.
It is just not okay to make fun of him on a birthday party.
It is not okay to tell him he did something wrong in front of others.
It is not okay to elevate yourself over him.
It is just not okay to be disrespectful to your husband. He needs your respect. He deserves it! But we are going to talk more in depth about that another time. So make sure you subscribe to my YouTube Channel to know when we discuss respect.
6. Be his biggest cheerleader
Whatever your husband might want to do or pursue in his life, be the person cheering him on! Be the one he loves to come to when he has new ideas. Be the one who cheers him on no matter what. Be his biggest cheerleader!
7. Compliment him frequently
If your husband’s love language is ‘words of affirmation’, than this is especially important. But every man wants to hear his wife compliment him. So next time he comes down the stairs, tell him he looks amazing in that outfit. Or say ‘thank you for all the work you do each day for our family’ next time you are having dinner together. It’s amazing what compliments can do for a person and relationship!
8. Look good for him
Make sure you put effort in your looks for him. Your husband sees you every single day and he loves to see you take good care of yourself. So put on a cute dress before he comes home, do your make up before he walks in the door etc. Your husband deserves to see you in your very best. Not just when you go to a party and you want to look good for others. You want to look good for your life partner too!
9. Eat meals together as a family
An amazing way to spend more time as a family, is by eating your meals together. This way you can be sure to spend quality time together, have conversations and just be present. Talk about how the day was, let the kids tell dad what they did during the day, etc. Those small talk moments are so important for both the kids and for you as parents. It doesn’t always have to be deep conversations, just listening to how your husband’s day went can be just as important as discussing big topics.
10. Have weekly date nights without the TV
This is such an important point! If you have seen any of my videos or read this series on my blog, you know we are a screen-free family. That basically means we don’t own a TV. We do have laptops and phones for obvious reasons, but we don’t allow ourselves or our children to just watch TV or have it on in the background when we are bored. IF we watch TV, it is with intention and a show we all agree on.
Anyway, back to the topic. Having date nights is extremely important for a marriage. But what I often hear is that people have a date night and then watch a movie. Don’t get me wrong, watching movies is not necessarily a bad thing. But both looking at a screen and then calling it a date night is such a waste of a beautiful opportunity to connect!
So next time you have a date night planned (which should be weekly!), plan something fun! Cook your husband’s favourite meal and have dinner together when the kids are in bed. Or turn on some candles, have a glass of wine and do a fun game. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is something you can do while talking. Because talking with each other is important!
11. Discuss topics with your husband, not your friends
Something I hear over and over again, is women discussing topics with their friends. But if it is none of their business, don’t discuss it with them! Do you think your husband doesn’t do enough around the home? Tell him that (but also be honest and ask yourself if it does not have anything to do with your own laziness..). Does he spend more time in the gym than at home? Stop complaining about it to your friends, and start talking about it with your husband..
It is not only gossip, it also shows a lack of respect for your husband towards your friends. Don’t discuss things with your friends when you know they should be discussed with your husband. Do you feel like you can’t talk about it with your husband? Go to your pastor together and ask for meeting to discuss it with another person there.
12. Find your worth in God, not your husband.
Now, I saved the most important one for last, because I wanted to spend a little more time on this one. Because the thing is, you can spend all your time on date nights, communicating, etc. with your husband. But if you are constantly looking for approval and acceptance from your husband, you are never going to walk in your full potential as a woman and a wife.
Your worth is determined by the one who created you, not by the world (or your husband). You are valuable, important, beautiful and amazing. Why? Because GOD says you are. Not because your husband, a colleague, a friend or family member says so.
This is so important to remember every single day. God loves you so much and He thinks you are awesome. Is it nice to hear your husband say you are beautiful? Ofcourse it is! But you should not depend upon his compliments to feel good. I hope that makes sense! Because it is extremely important. If you want to grow in this, read God’s word more and let Him fill you up with His love.